I’m trying to look up some non-faith based support groups to go to (my counselor recommended it because she thinks what she has to offer is not enough for what I’m going through).
The reason I bring this up again is because I just need to get it out some how. I saw my ‘predator’ recently. I had to look him in the eye and say ‘Happy Thanksgiving’ when really in my head, I’m screaming you’re the reason I dropped out of school from depression! you’re the reason I can’t get intimate with someone without having flashbacks!
And I’m just so confused on why I feel so disgusted with myself when I know I’m not alone. Fuck, there are people that’s been through so much worse than me. And yet, suicidal thoughts come to me like I’m not worth moving on.
Haha Welp. Been a little been since I last posted
Truth be told though, the topic of sex and vulnerability has been really hard for me lately. I’ve started skipping psychology and I stopped reading the book because I was learning more and more about myself which freaked me out. I may just turn this into some sort of virgin-sex diary and turn to tumblr if there comes a day (again) where my friends are unavailable. I’m making an appointment with the counselor on Tuesday. I have to. Lately I’m feeling like one fucked up piece of shit. Time to move past that ‘cause it’s already getting old.
James Houston, maker of “Let’s Talk About Sex,” interviewed groups of teenagers in America and in the Netherlands.
"What would you think of a girl that carries around a condom with her?"
America’s response: whore, promiscuous, slut, unclean, etc.
Netherlands’ response: nothing.
"What if a boy was carrying a condom around with him?"
America: He’s a player and he’s just trying to get some. Don’t talk to him.
Netherlands: If he didn’t have a condom, don’t talk to him. See ya.
And look at the results.
I am Jack’s dirty old car rag
Fight Club was on this morning and I watched it in a horrible state of mind.
Yes, we teach the boys have a ‘God-stick’ and girls have a ‘shame cave.’
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
"Put the gun to my head and paint walls with my brains"
Is what I would say if I hated Valentine’s Day and watched Fight Club all day.
Instead, I’m indifferent and I like to watch Fight Club all night (there’s school during the day).